JAIDEN THOMPSON

cw – racism, gun violence, transphobic slur

black trans chemistry

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this poem is really titled black tranny chemistry 

sorry. sometimes, i forget becoming
what looks like a son is becoming what
looks more like a Black man. i caught
my words in a mirror today, watched
them buzz and scramble as a bullet 
tore through the thesis like spilly 
fingers experimenting with a new 
compound; Black + Transmasc + 
Self Love = The Seduction Of 
A Supernova. if i take your hand 
to pull you through the loss of a 
daughter, will you flinch? do 
you need to savor the grief or do 
you fear my grip is that of God 
securing you, so you can be pulled 
through the muck and faced with 
my casket. you cannot find my face 
in the thicket of His shadow before He
implodes & a crowd surfaces. now, white
queers pour themselves in like oil
tempting—no, teasing—water. & hey
where is my body? oh & is that my 
name, the one embedded in their 
condolences that sounds like a 
muffled gunshot? if you listen 
closer, you’ll hear an apology 
& that is hushed too. so, have 
it here, like this: sorry, mom. but 
i’m learning backwards; reborn, 
then dead.

Previously published in perhappened magazine

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