JENNIFER WHALEN
Today I Find Myself
for V
as if a daisy in a sea of tattered leaves,
the crisp grass only the Texas sun
can green.
I think how marvelous,
how wonderful that I was inward or leaky
or longing—how glistered I am now;
my eyes
like spangled-static.
Look at what electric
they cling to:
translucent gecko, sun-washed
flag—how the world taunts its own erasure!
I close them:
the yard is full of leaves rustling
or oceans raging.
I imagine bodies
a little-salty-little-wet, sand sticks
to skin;
we move new in earth-caked limbs.
I want to find myself fresh daily:
to spin
suddenly towards a mirror & meet myself,
then greet myself as if having never seen
myself.
Maybe it’s not a mirror, but a you
on the other side of it.
Maybe you are a mirror:
velvet treble of your voice gauges
my reflection;
your reach to me, a ruler
(how much ardor did the world
store up, tell me).
Tell me
how your day was, did you see winter
on the walk to your car;
did the heat cough
hazy through your vents
or did you drive blocks, blowing breath
into your palms?
In my thoughts,
sometimes I feel your face
is your face:
skin silken until it meets rough-patch
then flesh-mouth;
other times,
you’re a planetary blaze, a bundle
of swelter.
I’ve asked for a little of your warmth.
I’ve driven all night to keep the engine
running;
I’ve brought goods (pages, kinesthesis,
salt from the ocean) to barter
your affection.
If I’ve already lost myself,
it was overflow that did it:
too much brimming
to stand at your door, display what I found
while I still cupped it
in my chest.
I loosen at the seams:
look
what good fluff we’re made of.
Jennifer Whalen (she/her) is a poet and educator from the Northern Kentucky/Cincinnati, Ohio area. Her poems can be found in Gulf Coast, Denver Quarterly, Southern Indiana Review, New South, Glass: A Journal for Poetry, The Boiler, Grist, & elsewhere. She previously served as writer-in-residence at Texas State University’s L.D. & LaVerne Harrell Clark House and currently teaches English at the University of Illinois Springfield. You can read more of her poems at jenniferwhalenpoet.com.