DANIELA PARAGUYA SOW
The Sounds of F. Pacana Street
—After Elizabeth Acevedo’s novel in verse The Poet X: “Our house these days is a choked up throat. I cannot exhale myself out the front door.”
The apartment is a singing throat. I can exhale
myself out the front door, to the lush flora of Cebu,
to the buzzes and honks of jeepneys speeding through.
This place, with my uncles mixing English and Bisaya
on tongues, is an altar for my mom. Their manang.
The fan hums as we preserve the unsung, through jokes and gestures,
Pakikisama. We chew ube lanay rolls and crunch on turon
this is now home, somehow, this place, this place
where I find my place in veins of a tree, creaking these old
branches, shaving off bark, napping in cool darkness—
only to awaken to the sharp smell of my uncle’s sizzling onions
and corned beef. This apartment: a living barangay. And he is chief.
As they nibble on quality chocolate and grin at brand watches,
caught up in guessing pesos to the dollar, the floors beam
and the sofa hugs out the sweat of our soft bodies.
Though: I don’t always know the notes of this song. In the beginning,
I did not execute the expected Mano Po—the blessing of an elder,
the back of their hand touched to your forehead in respect. This place,
my place. Grief rises in me when they ask, “Mass shootings
in America?” We discuss without trigger: licensed to carry, to load a gun,
to suspect crazy, how to better protect innocent lives—
how people are tone deaf to what’s right. I am listening to the hum
of my one precious life, I am thinking of my daughter across oceanic waters,
how somewhere in between there and here, there is divinity still
there is loud light to be found in these varying versions of home—
the grilled bangus we cut into with our spoons, the sweetness of iced tea
touching my lips. The mixed me, still plucking out a more simple tune.
Daniela Paraguya Sow (she/her) is Filipino-Romanian American and is an Assistant Professor of English at Grossmont College in San Diego, California. She has works published in Overachiever Magazine, Mixed Asian Media, City Works Press, Amphora Magazine, and others. You can reach her on Twitter at: @daniela_sow