CONAN TAN
Bait and Switch
Thrice now I have come close to hot-wiring the
sun from God. What a selfish
bastard. Refuses to let me win
even a consolation prize. I used to think
pinball machines were about skill
but now I know God, like my father,
has a favourite child.
Life’s unfair, deal with it, he would say
like he wasn’t the one dealing me threes
against his ace.
I’m petty I know. I’m a Leo.
It’s written in the stars.
I’m a good lover (debatable),
loves drama (he got that right)
and confident in myself.
That’s funny. The last time I tried to pull
a heist, God saw through me immediately,
said there’s a reason he created
a universe filled with stars
that only has one son.
Fieldwork
Afterwards we saw the-grass-bundled-in-hugs
snow white sheep in the distance and haybales, a hummingbird / flutter
the heart’s a flutter a bed of (squashed) pumpkins big enough
for time to fall into place oh I’m falling into you
the green gem of backyard boyhood memory / mammary
and a cow beyond our field of vision-dream-slit-of-time-gosh-just-look
at-the-time a month is only a month if we decide it is (and it’s been a month of)
running wasted so much time afraid
to be soft like dew when even storms
come out of hiding the cow was just hiding for time to seek come here, let’s
leaf / behind footprints for nature to follow past
that long river of fenceposts shhh not so loud
go softer on my lips like you’re (holding) a rare pearl
because you are / because i am let’s-cross-over-to-the-other-side
into possibility
Conan Tan (he/they) is a queer Singaporean writer. His poems have been published or are forthcoming in Rattle, HAD, Beaver, The Shore, West Trade Review, Quarterly Literary Review Singapore, and elsewhere. Their debut poetry manuscript-in-progress on queer love, trauma, and healing was shortlisted for Sing Lit Station’s 2023 Poetry Manuscript Bootcamp. He matriculates at Oxford University this fall. Say hi to them on Instagram and Twitter @tmyconan!